Post by funCTRman on Mar 14, 2005 14:54:42 GMT -5
You know I have read the articles on inactive members, and it makes me think about the shear struggle that I have had in moving from being married to being single.
There is a length of period (especially in Cal.) that requires a person to go through a waiting period before you are divorced. I don't disagree with the waiting period, but the part that is difficult is trying to do everything that you know to be right.
In my case I left the area that I lived in (mostly because I didn't want to see my ex every week at church), and moved to another area. So not only did I not have my marriage anymore, but I didn't have my ward family anymore. Then starting a new ward (a family ward) was very difficult for many reasons (one, of which is watching all of the families, while sitting by yourself; and two, not knowing anyone). I found myself making lots of excuses to not go to church, strictly because I didn't want to feel that horrible feeling of being alone. I decided to join some of the LDS singles sites strictly because I thought it would be nice to talk to someone occasionally, but I felt really guilty because my divorce was not final yet, and I didn’t want to deceive anyone. I am a convert, so I couldn’t turn to my family for that spiritual uplifting and fellowshipping, so here I was in a quandary. Luckily I did find a couple of friends on the LDS singles site that were willing to just be friends and chat once in a while, before I stopped the sites, and decided to wait until my divorce was final. If you think about it, who are you suppose to communicate with during that six months of waiting, your friends are all married, and it is not right to take time from their families, you shouldn't be on the singles sites because you are not technically single yet, you can’t attend any of the singles events for the same reason and you are at a new ward where you don't know anyone.....who are you suppose to talk with?
Now luckily for me, I made it through that period of time, started attending church again regularly, full filling my callings and attending the Temple, but looking back on it, it could have gone either way. Now I am not without a very strong testimony of the church, and I am grateful for it, as it is what saved me, but it makes my heart ache to think about my brothers and sisters that might be going through the same thing and maybe their testimony isn't quit as strong........I heard one time that we are all within two weeks of being inactive.....The advisory is strong and does not want us to make it back to live with our Heavenly Father......he will use ever tool that he can, including the feeling of loneliness......
Personally I am grateful for my trial, as my testimony has grown stronger than I ever thought was possible, but it was the only time since I have been baptized that I almost became inactive. I don't know necessarily what the answer is to help or support people that are going through something like that, but maybe just helping members to be aware of how difficult it can be will help lend a little compassion, support, or love to another person that they know is going through something like this.
Remember we are commanded to help lighten each others burdens. When you ask someone how they are doing, and they respond "oh I'm doing good", don't just walk away and think that you did your part. How would you respond if someone asked you while you were going through a difficult trial; would you just spill you guts right away, probably not. Ask them to dinner so that they can be a part of your family for just one evening, which would help. Invite them to family home evening with your family, remember they don't have one anymore. They can't attend the singles events yet, so that support isn't there, so they are left alone.
Brothers and sisters who are going through something similar, please don't be afraid to ask members for help, the consequence of not asking (which could ultimately be inactivity, is much greater than asking for help).
With love,
PM
There is a length of period (especially in Cal.) that requires a person to go through a waiting period before you are divorced. I don't disagree with the waiting period, but the part that is difficult is trying to do everything that you know to be right.
In my case I left the area that I lived in (mostly because I didn't want to see my ex every week at church), and moved to another area. So not only did I not have my marriage anymore, but I didn't have my ward family anymore. Then starting a new ward (a family ward) was very difficult for many reasons (one, of which is watching all of the families, while sitting by yourself; and two, not knowing anyone). I found myself making lots of excuses to not go to church, strictly because I didn't want to feel that horrible feeling of being alone. I decided to join some of the LDS singles sites strictly because I thought it would be nice to talk to someone occasionally, but I felt really guilty because my divorce was not final yet, and I didn’t want to deceive anyone. I am a convert, so I couldn’t turn to my family for that spiritual uplifting and fellowshipping, so here I was in a quandary. Luckily I did find a couple of friends on the LDS singles site that were willing to just be friends and chat once in a while, before I stopped the sites, and decided to wait until my divorce was final. If you think about it, who are you suppose to communicate with during that six months of waiting, your friends are all married, and it is not right to take time from their families, you shouldn't be on the singles sites because you are not technically single yet, you can’t attend any of the singles events for the same reason and you are at a new ward where you don't know anyone.....who are you suppose to talk with?
Now luckily for me, I made it through that period of time, started attending church again regularly, full filling my callings and attending the Temple, but looking back on it, it could have gone either way. Now I am not without a very strong testimony of the church, and I am grateful for it, as it is what saved me, but it makes my heart ache to think about my brothers and sisters that might be going through the same thing and maybe their testimony isn't quit as strong........I heard one time that we are all within two weeks of being inactive.....The advisory is strong and does not want us to make it back to live with our Heavenly Father......he will use ever tool that he can, including the feeling of loneliness......
Personally I am grateful for my trial, as my testimony has grown stronger than I ever thought was possible, but it was the only time since I have been baptized that I almost became inactive. I don't know necessarily what the answer is to help or support people that are going through something like that, but maybe just helping members to be aware of how difficult it can be will help lend a little compassion, support, or love to another person that they know is going through something like this.
Remember we are commanded to help lighten each others burdens. When you ask someone how they are doing, and they respond "oh I'm doing good", don't just walk away and think that you did your part. How would you respond if someone asked you while you were going through a difficult trial; would you just spill you guts right away, probably not. Ask them to dinner so that they can be a part of your family for just one evening, which would help. Invite them to family home evening with your family, remember they don't have one anymore. They can't attend the singles events yet, so that support isn't there, so they are left alone.
Brothers and sisters who are going through something similar, please don't be afraid to ask members for help, the consequence of not asking (which could ultimately be inactivity, is much greater than asking for help).
With love,
PM
